I was chatting with a friend recently about using our intuition and she was nodding in agreement. ‘Yeah, yeah, I know we sometimes get a gut feeling on things…’ She considered this for a moment before looking at me curiously. ‘But do we always know what’s correct for ourselves?’

Good question huh?

I’m sure we’ve all experienced that moment many times when something happens to throw everything off balance. A situation that seems devastating or challenging. We might cry, feel victimized, get frustrated or even confused… we can sit there wondering ‘What should I do?’

But if we really take time to think about it, we can most likely conclude that on some level – although sometimes perhaps too deep for our conscious selves to fully understand – we do know what to do. We do have the answers. Yet the hard part is acknowledging and facing them.

There was a time in my life where I had thought I had fallen in love with a particular person. Although things didn’t start that way in the relationship – he was just a friend – it seemed that after some time, I began to feel differently. Once I had made him aware of these feelings, and due to a great mix of factors, it would have made probable sense for this particular person to declare his undying love in return.  In fact, the total opposite happened.

I spent a while wondering why on earth things hadn’t gone in the way that I assumed they would. I had begun to see this man as my destiny – decided that he was the only man for me and was ‘The One’.

What’s all this got to do with listening to our inner voice you might be asking? And here’s the funny part….

All along and most especially from the very first moment I had met that person, I knew he wasn’t ‘The One’

Confused?  Let me explain.

With hindsight, I now realize it wasn’t love at all. It was falling in love with the idea of love.  Somewhere along the way, I had ignored my inner voice that told me ‘this is just friendship’ and instead allowed myself to create an illusion of love.  I had gotten swept up in the care, affection and attention he was lavishing and began to weave it into a pretty little bubble of ‘Mr Right.’  I was constantly seeking validation from friends if they thought it would work out for me and him because deep down, I knew the answer already. I always had known.

Of course it wouldn’t. We weren’t right for one another at all.

If you constantly question and seek validation, then chances are; that situation isn’t the correct situation for you. When something is correct, you will know it.

For every decision we are faced with – we know the answer right off. We always know. But sometimes, we (or perhaps more specifically our ego) choose to ignore and create an illusion instead. We fuel this illusion and deny our inner voice the chance to speak. We don’t want to hear it because it might not be the answer we like. If we listen, it might force us to make decisions or changes that we don’t want to make.

As an example, how many times have you been in a job or relationship that’s boring or unfulfilling, or simply ‘stale’…. Yet it’s familiar, safe, conditioned…. You couldn’t possibly contemplate leaving because of the (perceived) catastrophic effect on the other areas of your life such as finance, living situation, children involved etc….

Yet one day, fate steps in and makes the decision for you. You lose your job or arrive home to discover your partner has been cheating on you. You’re suddenly thrown into turmoil and the ‘Why did this happen?’  victimized approach is adopted.

However, had you listened to your inner voice and the niggling concerns that would have most definitely reared their head on many occasions throughout that situation – you perhaps wouldn’t need to ask that question. The answer was already in front of you for a long time. You just didn’t want to see it, or acknowledge it.

Sometimes a situation we want to be good for us isn’t good for us on a soul level. Therefore, that little voice will always try to dissuade us, no matter how much our ego might want to encourage us….

Always, always trust your inner voice. It may not give you the answer that you want to hear every single time… because life isn’t supposed to be perfect! But if you always try to listen and trust, you can be sure that you’ll be guided in the correct way forward. You’ll also feel a lot more peaceful in yourself. That’s how you’ll know you’re listening good and proper.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 …. and BREATHE ….

Do not go into meltdown, do not throw a hissyfit and do not allow yourself to feel that you’re out of your depth. Just BREATHE …. Yes, it’s OK to continue staring at the wall in a paralytic state of non-action. In fact, it’s very much advisable considering the alternative is likely to be throwing yourself out of the closest window or hibernating under the kitchen sink.

I’m talking about one of those moments when suddenly everything is all systems GO and you haven’t got the faintest idea where to start. It’s a bit of a sink or swim moment (and I’ve had enough of those in my lifetime to know the feeling well!)

Yet what do you do when you find yourself in a time when everything happens at once? You’ve suddenly been placed with the world of pressure upon your shoulders, or perhaps even a fantastic opportunity that requires a lot of hard work, or maybe it’s a life changing decision whilst a ticking clock looms in the background…

What do you do when all you can think of is the many possible complications that lie ahead .. The never ending thoughts of fear and failure; of succumbing  to the overwhelming pressure and deciding that it’s better to bury your head in the sand than to tackle the tasks that hang ominously over you.

STOP right there. Just stop. Break it down. Break down the drama and the complexity. Push away the fear based ego and it’s constant prattling of doom.  TAKE STOCK.

Repeat after me:

I am an amazing person with limitless ability and wisdom

I am accomplishing my every dream and desire

Every action I take comes from a place of centered and balanced emotion

I am achieving that which makes my spirit soar and allows me to follow my true path

I am making the decisions that honor my inner self and are in line with love and pure intention

I am exactly where I am supposed to be; open to the options that are most beneficial to me

And that’s the key to remember:  You’re at this place in life because you’re supposed to be there. There is no right or wrong action. There isn’t anything to be feared. There’s no basis for being overwhelmed. Everything is happening/changing for a reason. Do not look at the bigger picture – break it down into parts. Start small. One part at a time.

One small step forward, one small decision taken, one small action made… Repeat the process…

Little by little you’ll find yourself working through the overwhelming tasks or decisions; you’ll find your confidence growing and your self-assurance returning.  Before you know it, you’ll be back to a place of feeling less pressured and more assertive. The issue that prompted the initial feelings will have been dealt with and moved on from.

Life isn’t for hiding – It’s for facing up to and looking directly in the eye – even when it feels like it’s a mammoth task with overwhelming consequences.

Remember, you can face anything if you’re brave enough – and everything will always turn out OK … Maybe not immediately – but always eventually.

The best motto?  One step at a time

So I’m sitting here on a sunny tuesday morning, waiting for my lovely friend in Bermuda to confirm my trip to visit her next month.

One might argue that I not long ago returned from a long haul holiday …  One might also argue that I’m at a very delicate career point and should be putting entire focus into the wonderful opportunities at hand. Or one could possibly point out that I already splurged on a watch not two weeks ago and therefore should be less frivolous…

But let’s face it, what’s life if it’s not lived to its fullest when we have the means?!

How do we prioritise what’s necessary over what’s indulgent? Who is to say that a new buttercream leather handbag or two week trip to the Caribbean isn’t the answer to our inspiration and wellbeing?!

The last few years on a personal level have been filled with long days of hard work and dedication to career change. During this time I found myself beginning to associate frivolous spending and material expenditure with egotistical and narcissistic behavior. My days of wasting money on unnecessary things flew out of the window as I juggled work requests left, right and center for minimum pay.  I no longer treated myself at all. Money immediately became a ‘second’ priority with my primary focus on helping people. I was constantly told by those closest to me that I couldn’t continue on with the way I was working. I was headed into burn out territory and I wasn’t treating my ‘work’ as a business. Effectively, I had turn into a 24 hour life line for nearly every client I had. For free!

It finally came to a head after ongoing general unwellness and exhaustion. I literally woke up and realised I’d totally thrown myself out of balance. I was giving, giving, giving and the incoming rewards weren’t even remotely on par with the outgoing efforts.

It’s taken the last year to redefine the boundaries and find ‘Carrie’ again. The Carrie that enjoys nice things and little splurges.   The self-sacrificing woman I had began to morph into – didn’t truly value her worth or needs. I’d began put myself to the back of queue, telling myself it wasn’t healthy to waste on material things and feeling guilty for ‘wanting more’ from life. But why take that attitude?!  Those little treats are the things that can give us temporary relief from otherwise heavy situations.  Besides, I’d worked myself hard for it, so didn’t I deserve it?!

If the last few years has taught me anything, it’s that valuing and putting your own needs first, will get you everywhere. It’s OK and perfectly acceptable to indulge in yourself on occasion – so long as you can afford to and don’t do it for the wrong reasons and not on things that you don’t really need…

But if you feel that you require a little perk or lift – then yes, sometimes that new pair of shoes or short weekend break to Paris can be thing to make it happen! You don’t have to be a martyr and you don’t have to settle for crumbs. We all deserve the very best that we can afford to give ourselves…

So, all you gorgeous, hard working women that have forgotten themselves in the process of working life or motherhood…  you have my full permission to head to the nearest shopping centre or travel agents… and splurge! Go on, you deserve it. And don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for doing so, or tell you otherwise!

If you’re a guy reading this I bet you’re already dismissing the idea of being in tune with your ‘feminine’ side, right?

And women reading this…. You’re wondering if you’re perhaps too much in your masculine energy sometimes, right? Because let’s face it, as women we are used to having to display both strength in the workplace and in the home – making us sometimes feel that we’re left with no option but to be in control…. Sound familiar?

Yet here’s the thing – In order to have happy and healthy relationships with others and ourselves, we all need to have a good balance of both feminine and masculine energy. Be that if you’re straight, gay, male or female.

I often come across very successful women that have wonderful careers, finances and strong minds but find it difficult to meet men of similar qualities and sustain any type of relationship. The key to remember here is that in order to bring the correct balance of energy to the relationship you must allow yourself to show and be in tune more with your own feminine energy.  Do not restrict its flow.

This does not mean to exude total vulnerability and become a walkover – it means to simply display the qualities that a strong/dominant male lacks within himself on a basic level (because men are naturally more in tune with their masculine side) Therefore that type of man will automatically be drawn toward the soft, sensitive, nurturing energy of a woman.

When we find often ourselves out of balance in a relationship is when the measure of feminine versus masculine shifts out of harmony.

Let’s take the example again of the woman who is driven, successful and in a lot of ways powerful (be that through beauty/intelligence or social standing etc). Although she’ll always revert to her femininity on a basic level, the masculine energy that she is exuding in constantly being dominant/controlling and ‘the hunter’ begins to overtake the level of the core feminine energy.  It is a common trait for this kind of a woman to refuse to show vulnerability and open  emotion because she is so in control in many areas of her life and views this as weakness.

Therefore when this type of woman meets her ideal man of similar power/success/strength and qualities, it is likely that he will at some point begin to question the relationship. This will be because after the initial attraction and meeting of similar personalities – his core masculine energy  will being to feel the lack of feminine energy provided to him. His core masculine self will automatically as a result, seek to attract and find the correct balance of feminine energy (its other half) to be able to get the qualities and fulfillment needed from a relationship.

If we reverse the situation and take the example of a man much more in tune with his feminine energy – a soft, sensitive, nurturing guy – with a woman of similar feminine dominant energy, we once again see the relationship falling out of balance. Problems will arise as there is a distinct lack of much needed masculine dominant energy from both sides.  There is no one partner displaying the strength and control aspect.

Yet if we have a man with predominantly feminine energy that is happy to let his female partner of masculine driven energy take the lead – this will work.  The strong female is bringing the correct balance of masculine energy into the mix.

Remember both guys and girls that it’s all about balance! If you’re lucky enough to have your own energy already balanced with masculine/feminine and have found a partner with the same quality then you’ve got yourself a recipe for success and longevity. This works perfectly!

So, whoever you meet whether that person is more masculine or feminine dominant , to have a healthy relationship you need to tap into the side of yourself which is the opposite to the main energy they are displaying. This will ensure that both partners ‘meet in the middle’ and all of the things needed to maintain a healthy relationship are brought to the table from both sides.